Under glass.

I was on a beach, but underground. I was right where the waves ended their life cycle and I could watch, from underneath the wave, its gentle foam reaching up and spreading over the sand... but the sand wasn't there, but it was there. It was like the beach was made of glass, and I was under it, watching all the goings on under the waves. The sky was deep blue, and I had to stop a moment in my dream and realize just how amazingly beautiful this sight was. How incredibly lucky I was, to see the ocean from this perspective. I could spy on people. Only I could see the beach like this. A man, I only knew from my dreams was there. He was crying, because he wasn't in love with his baby mamma and she didn't see him for what he really was. And somehow I knew I was supposed to restore some form of love back in his life, be it through me, or just helping him.

Patterns. Not just in my dreams, but also in my life. Where the eff do I go from there?

Bitch Mother.

I have this necklace that I've started wearing since the clasp on my old necklace broke off. It's a silver chain with a small vintage key looped though and nothing more. This key lived on my altar to Hekate for some time. One day, I decided to wear it, as a reminder of Her and to have Her close to my heart. I don't generally wear my jewelry to bed, except for a ring, but I did just a few nights ago... after an emotionally rough evening. After saying my nightly words to Her, lighting Her candles and setting out some incense. I went to bed tearfully with the necklace still around my neck.

It was the first night, in a very long time that I had very symbolic dreams.

I stood in an apple orchard (apples have very much been on the brain these days) and I could see what looked like a large pack of hunting dogs off in the distance. They were running the perimeter of the orchard fence, guarding the boundary. I began to walk into the orchard and in doing so, I seemed to have upset the alpha male. He bellowed and came thundering at me along with a larger darker male dog, who seemed a great deal less harmless than the alpha male. Suddenly, the alpha female (who, in my lucid dreaming brain knew that she was the Mother Bitch, or Bitch Mother) looked me right in the eye and said out loud, "I'm going save you." It was right at that second that the alpha male was breathing down my neck, razor backed and standing on his tiptoes checking me out. I knew he planned to rip me to pieces, but she managed to whine and make all sorts of noise to distract and calm him. When I looked at his body, he wasn't really a hunting dog, but a war dog. His was riddled with scars and he was an old man. The other dog was younger, darker and aloof. The interaction between these three and I is still puzzling. But I think I have a general idea of what was going on and possibly pertaining to my human relationships. Funny that the older one had the war scars and the younger one didn't... Being the younger one in my relationship is actually a veteran of war.

Moving further into the orchard, the apples were strange. They had spines on them, like a pineapple would, but they were still apples. Thorned apples.

The dream morphed and I was elsewhere. I walked by a woman who asked me if I knew tarot, and ask me to be a fellow reader and rootworker for her shop. I declined her.

Funny enough, I walked out onto Cat Yronwodes house, or, her shop. I didn't see her, but I knew this was where she worked. There were honeybees about. They seemed to want to attack me, and I felt like they might, but didn't. They herded me into a wall of trees and brambles. Only one stung me, and she left a large long barb in my right arm.


Ever since I donned that necklace and key, I've been dream walking regularly. My body sleeps, but my spirit walks. I know I'm sleeping, but I know I'm awake - all through the night. So, I suppose this is my cue card to really work this form of travel.

A hormonal rambling,

(wrote this a few days ago and just decided to hit publish)

I'm on my rag, and it blows right now. I have spent most of the day in a rental car running massive errands. Pounding headache. Irritable. I was also dealing with motion sickness in the car, which is a total WTF for me. I've never in my life had problems with it. Apparently I can not read and be in a moving car at the same time!

I encountered a witch in my dreams last night. She was an elderly black woman with silvery hair, it fit her like a glowing halo. She was teaching me things, for the life of me I can't remember what it was that she was showing me. I tend to dream in two sets, right after I nod off and again before I wake. It was an early part of the night dream and I woke up shortly afterward and told myself I should write it down. I didn't of course, I was asleep again before I could reach for my pen and journal. I need to be more disciplined with my dream note taking, because this is where most communication happens for me.

I got up to some witching on the full moon. There were a few projects that I needed to polished off. Consecrated some spiritual cleansing soap, a sort of Florida Water type recipe (scent wise).

I infused the oils with a variety of herbs, but the main one being hyssop, a plant I love dearly. It's a simple and humble, but one that I have strong relationship with right now.

Lots of seed for next year.

There was also homemade Florida Water, local red brick dust put to purpose (living by an abandon brick factory has its benefits), blessing oil made, mugwort cookies, offerings and other shenanigans.

Hah, do you not see a theme there? Hoodoo tends to find it's way into my practice. I've seriously been considering taking a course in Hoodoo with cat yronwode. I have the prerequisites needed, I just need to do the interview and once accepted, the book purchase. It would be a great thing to work on this winter, as I wont have too much going on. My roots are in the deep south, so it just seems right.

Dream follow up,

I was rereading my dream just yesterday and it hit me like a brick.

My parents (and bothers and sisters) are moving soon. They've been on a massive house hunt, and I've had my mother calling me frequently to talk about house this and house that. How my father wants something out of their price range, or they want this one house with 18 acres and they want the husband and I to move out there with them (gah!). The house they had been looking at and wanting had water problems and way too much land for them to manage AND was also out of their price range.

The house they were in, in the dream; was empty, like it was for sale. If they take what they can't afford (that's so very obvious) or can't maintain, they will drown under the weight of what they can't manage. It could possibly destroy them.


I gave my mom a call today and she was driving back home to the midwest from Kentucky (where they're house hunting). She's talking like a billion miles a minute and it's so hard to get off the phone with her, she was driving - I felt really uncomfortable with her being on the phone. Anyway, she said that they found a house and she was practically singing about it. On a hill, enough acreage for them to have fun with (7), established nut and fruit trees, three separate gardening areas and enough room for all the kids (I've got a large family). On top of that, two lovely little bee hives. It's affordable too. I told my mom about the dream and we both agreed that this house must be the right decision. I'm really happy for them. I told her I had best be gettin' some free honey! Ohh, and propolis!

As the darkness increases (and notes),

By that I mean the dark moon.

I know many people who associate the full moon with lunacy, strange happenings and general spookiness (most of them aren't witches. I don't consider myself witch either, but, that's a post for another day!). I find that it is the dark moon that opens the doors to this lunacy and strangeness. The full and light moon to me, is just that, light, bright, allowing me to see in the darkness. It's safe.

I digress.

The dreams get wild around the dark moon, they increase with intensity, vividness. Around 4-6AM is when I'm most lucid. I flutter in and out of dreamscapes. Occasionally I'll sleep in to see how much further I can go, usually around 7am it's time to call it quits.

Last night I was by the ocean, as always. I've still really yet to figure out what it is with the ocean and I. Many times I've experienced earthquakes by the ocean and I took it as a sign of the Earth-Shaker, Poseidon. I did a tarot reading to see if it was indeed him and all I got was a, "kindly fuck off somewhere else." Maybe it's memories of my childhood. I grew up in and around the Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico.

Anyhow. My parents were with me. We were in a house right on the beach. There was a few heavy waves that brought the surge up to the house, but did not damage it at all. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was clear and beautiful. My husband and I went up into the hills where the town was and I could look down on the beach and house. Then, as if I was flying I was beach side and watched as two massive tsunami waves rolled into the coast line. I called to my parents to leave the house as soon as possible, I was too late. They were dead. I was half awake knowing my parents were both dead. So fucking disturbing. It took me a minute to gather my wits when I fully woke. I was covered in dread. I realized though, my parents weren't dead. They're alive, they're ok.

I haven't tried to interpret the dream, not yet anyway.

Oh, and I totally forgot to mention. It was in the middle of the night I'm pretty sure, but I saw a man or a figure of a man standing in my hallway. It was like a rough outline (I wasn't dreaming). The moment I recognized what it was it was gone. I don't have the sight (but I can sense the presence of other beings, I think anyway!). But I do see things out of the corners of my eyes, or occasional flashes of things. I don't know what to make of it just yet.

It sort of reminded me of this presence I felt in my old house, there was something very aggressive and very male living in our space. It was more taunting than anything, I never got the feeling that it would have done us harm. I felt nothing from this sighting though. Just a figure.

I finally bought a moleskine to start writing dreams/experiences/fleeting thoughts down. I'm not very good at keeping up with physical journals. I hope I keep up with this one.

On my walk yesterday I heard croaking... distant croaking. RAVENS! And indeed it was, two of them with their wedge shaped tails. They were being chased out of the neighboring woods by some naughty ol' crows. Second time I've seen them out here. Every time I hear their call I get goosebumps.

Tasted flesh,

When I have dreams that frighten me, I don't normally consider them nightmares. Why? Because most of the time, I know I'm dreaming. Like the time I encountered the Black Man, or had my legs chopped off by the rudder of a great ship... I was fearful, but not so scared out of my wits that I didn't know how to respond to the situation.

I had a nightmare last night though.

I succumbed to cannibalism. It wasn't due to a dire situation, it was a choice. I had murdered a small child, processed its body and ate it. I don't remember the act of murder. I do remember processing the body, and I remember the taste of the flesh, the texture in my mouth the thought running through my head, that I didn't want this. It fucking freaked me out to taste flesh, I haven't eaten meat in over two years! I wretched in my dream. I wasn't doing this voluntarily, but I was still putting the fork to my mouth, opening, chewing, swallowing. I was disgusted with myself. Wondering how I was going to hide murder, that I would forever live in regret, in absolute horror of what I had done. Regret that I had made the wrong choice.

What does it represent?

I think it's a warning of destruction of a part of myself.

I am admittedly resisting what I think is my calling. The funny fucking thing is, I don't know exactly what my calling is. I have ideas, but I fearfully turn my eye from them. I tell myself I've made it up, it isn't real - or I'm just going fucking crazy.

I know better than this!

I recently went to a discussion group hosted and lead by a famous shamaness and the topic was turning your fears into an ally. It came in such a timely manner, there were things I really needed to hear. How can I fear what I've wanted? I'm afraid of what it could bring, if I faced it and accepted it. I would be afraid of failure.

Resistance is futile, and in the long run, as my dream told me, would be a very bad, bad decision.

Notes over the past few days:

I write a LOT of entries that I never publish. Not that it really matters I guess, but I tend to keep an open tab with blogger open to jot down shit throughout the week/day/etc. Seeing as how I've pretty much abandon my Tumblr, I'm dumping everything here.

(a few days ago)
In my dream last night, I was walking by an old cemetery. I wasn't in it, but walking along the thick moss covered stone wall outside of it. Inside of the cemetery were deer, tons of them. One stood out of course, tall and broad and his antlers weren't really antlers but ancient aged wood wrapping around his head like a crown or gnarled old tree branches. I can only remember thinking quite joyfully that it was old Hornie! Old Hornie! Old Hornie! I kept saying over and over again in my head.

(a day ago?)
Spirit vessel?

(today)
Now comes one of the supreme tests that most every Aries must periodically face: Will you live up to your promises? Will you follow through on your rousing start? Will you continue to stay passionately committed once the fiery infatuation stage evolves into the earthy foundation-building stage? Here's a secret to succeeding at this test: You can't just try to force yourself to "be good" and do the right thing. Nor does it work to use shame or guilt to motivate yourself. Somehow you've got to marshal pure, raw excitement for the gritty detail work to come. You've got to fall in love with the task of actually fleshing out your dreams. - Free Will Astrology

Note to self: BOOYAH. You have been served, ball in is your court.

Don't look into the devils eyes,

It was mid afternoon and I was heading down a hill, which stretched out into a huge and very old graveyard. As dusk began to approach, weird things began to happen. Drained bodies, dulled with no real life in them were walking around. Strange creatures were wandering the land and you could hear the echo of a far away voice, his voice.

Something cataclysmic happened. The world was turned upside down, the dead were roaming the land. Humans were being hunted, for what I now think (having woken up and processed the dream) was their souls.

I found a bay mare and we rode - not anywhere in particular but in and around the graveyard, searching for a way out. I dismounted by a shack and when I turned around, the mare had died. Everything was dieing. When I enter the shack, my husband was there. We decided that the best route out, was suicide - we didn't want to die at the hands of whatever was hunting us. The shack then became connected to a huge house and creatures were attempting to get inside the room we were in. They were odd, otherworldly creatures. One got through the door and attacked me, it was a crab looking creature. I managed to kill it by squeezing it between my thighs.

Eventually we were both over run by his minions, and we were summoned into a smaller room. Soulless humans laid about, there was a complete dullness about them. He was in a far corner, and he was very obviously terrible to look at. Shadows clung to him, he had cracked black skin and even though I wasn't supposed to look into his eyes, I was able to glance at them sideways - they were clear and of no color. He was horrible, and so fucking scary. He took my husband away from me (which I was sad for in the dream, but knew he was sleeping safe beside me). For some reason, he couldn't touch me. He wasn't able to take my soul. I was burning strange wax figures and clods of something, I don't know what they were. But I was untouchable, unhaveable.


I've been very, very lucid the past few days. Always gets this way right before the new moon. During that whole dream, the cats kept howling at us in bed waking me up slightly, but I knew as soon as I drifted off again I would be able to return right where I had left off in my dreaming.

I have no idea who or what that thing was, the "boss" if you will. I thought of him as the devil. When I woke up for real, after all the dreaming. This song was very clearly ringing through my head:

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an invitation
it was hard to find

It's a stupid song that I don't even remotely like. It's something you'd hear while you're shopping for groceries or something. And it was just plopped, right into my head when I woke up. I don't know what ANY of this means.

I've also been noticing points in the day (for the past week or so) that I easily go into a light trance state without trying, it just happens. It's been a bit weird. I haven't been terribly diligent with my trance work lately, because I've been a bit too busy for it. I think I'm now able to easily identify that feeling though. Maybe I need to sit down and have a session, maybe I'll be able to go further than I think I can.


Anyhow, getting a small Imbolc celebration going. Since I don't do dairy, I figured a milk made of nuts would be nice. So, I purchased some local raw hazelnuts (this is hazelnut country after all) and they've been soaking over night. They'll be pureed with some water, half a vanilla bean, pinch of salt and a little bit of agave nectar then squeezed through with my nut milk bag (if I can find it!). Yum! There will also be a saffron and honey cake for Hekate, bannocks and a whole bunch of roasted root vegetables. Since it all falls on the new moon, I'll be leaving a bunch of offerings for Hekate at the small three way crossroads as well. I owe her much, she has been such a driving force for me lately.

I need to be working, but

"A man may fulfill the object of his existence by asking a question he cannot answer, and attempting a task he cannot achieve," mused 19th-century author Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. Advice that wild could just as well have been dispensed by a feral saint living in a cave in the woods. And now I'm passing it on to you, Aries, just in time for the beginning of what may be your wildest year in a decade. In my astrological opinion, you are ready to be a connoisseur of mysteries that purify the mind and nurture the soul . . . a daredevil of the spirit in quest of seemingly impossible dreams . . . a fierce adept of the wisdom of uncertainty who's in love with unpredictable teachings.

- Free Will Astrology


I was almost eaten by the ocean last night, thankfully I was standing next to a jungle gym that was firmly planted in the ground, I held on to it for dear life. As the waters receded from the coast, it kept going and going until there was nothing left. It was like the sea took a bite out of the coast line, and I was dangling on the edge of the earth.

Bottomless cups,

Last nights dream involved me sitting in a room with what felt like, other witches. We were all there for one thing: To be given the magical drink by the old woman (who was sort of, “leading” us). There were only a few of these cups of drink. They resembled Japanese tea cups. The drink was greenish and had clumps, it looked as if the drink had been mostly drunk, but when I went to put it to my lips the liquid kept coming, it was bottomless and filled itself. The temptation to drink as much as possible was there, but you knew that if you drank too much, there would be consequences. I guess it was supposed to give you second sight.

A person I knew as an old friend was there and grabbed my arm and told me we were off to look at faeries. I saw things flitting around, they looked like little insects.

Then all of that was gone away and I was waiting on a bus - with a figurine in my hand that was very obviously, a shaman.

Then I woke up.

Mugwort, tell me more

Faceless male presence. Protective and almost sexual in nature.

In a coastal town. Thick storm, watched it roll in and consume. Lots of lightning. Group of people ran from me, went to seek my own safety. Took shelter with two dogs living under a house, who were happy to have my company. Watched the storm continue to move in, it was extremely violent. The dogs sat with me and we stayed safe.

M dreams usually contain the following things: Sea, ocean, underwater, storm, tornado, lightning (was almost struck 3 different times as a child. In real life. Not in my dreams.), dogs/canines in pairs of two, snakes (its been a while), one very interesting cow, black horses.