Last of 2010,

Having not seen the sun early in the morning for the past few weeks, this was a nice treat.

Hogmanay foods:

Hoppin' John (vegan style)
Collard greens
Cornbread
and Atholl Brose!

On expectations, being honest with myself and the New Year

I never intended to update this blog on a regular basis, or have any sort of routine with it. Its something I'm feeling out over time. Something I'm trying to get comfortable with - moreover something I want to be comfortable with.

There, I said it. (That was a note to myself, not to those who may be reading this!)

I really kinda effed my end of the year observances. I didn't do anything during the month of December (except for Christmas, which is a very serious holiday for my husband - the holiday that he connects with his recently passed grandparents in the biggest of ways.) I will however be doing Hogmanay, preparations have already begun.

I'm still a baby at this, ya know? Its only been two and a half years since I watched that documentary on witchcraft, had flash backs of my attempt at tree worship when I was 16 - discovered by my extremely Christian parents - firmly scolded. Flashback over and realizing, "fuck, I'm 22 now! I live 2000+ miles away from them! I can be what I want!"

I do wish I had been a bit more dedicated during this past year, but I'm not going to waste my time with lamenting what I didn't do. Instead, with this strange vigor I picked up right after Christmas I will be gearing myself up for the New Year and setting goals for things I want to accomplish (Thank you Sarah for inspiration!)

Pertaining to all aspects of my life and in no particular order:

• Sew clothing for myself
• Get my very serious garden plans off the ground or rather, in the ground, heh. (weather permitting)
• Learn to make homemade tempeh and tofu
• Actually DO daily devotionals
• Observe all personal High Days (aka: don't be a lazy bastard)
• Make progress with trance work
• Join local Mycological Society
• Enroll in community college for a few classes to get feet wet to explore the possibility of majoring in history
• Provided garden goes well, raw food diet for 2 months during summer (or as long as I can stand it, heh)
• Talk to my grandmothers more often, write to them
• Work more beneficial magic for my family
• Comfortably and casually wear bold rusty-red lipstick
• Make mead!
• Obtain a divers license (tricky one, being I don't own a car)
• Hike regularly in the deep forests east of me
• Learn how to prioritize and manage my time better

That should do it. I may add or subtract from that list. I may have already mastered the wearing of bold lipstick causally.

Gotta fetch whiskey and start the non-existent menu for Hogmanay tomorrow! And, there is the cleaning. Greatly looking forward to making a huge racket when the clock strikes 12.

Frost Moon,

The night of the last full moon had completely clear skies. Living in the Pacific Northwest, this is a very lucky thing indeed. Naturally I set a few items out on the deck to bask in the rare late fall moon light.

And I woke up to frost! Everywhere.

A day later we had snow, which is very odd for this time of year. The sun came out and brightened everything up with a mild glacial blue tone, which was wonderful because sometimes the dense dreariness out here really gets to me. I actually didn't really believe in seasonal affective disorder, until I moved here. Its not like, bad depression or anything, but a type of lethargy I cannot kick. All I wanna do is sleep, eat sweets, take hot baths and sit on my plump ass (<-- winter fat!). I do get a bit of storm cloud over my head too. Like, a feeling of impending doom, its something that really frustrates me because currently I have nothing that should be making me feel doomish! Life is pretty good right now and I know I don't really have anything to feel down about. So, I had the house all to myself a few days ago. I had a two week old headache, I found myself HIGHLY distracted from work, chills, the creeping doom ... the desire to sleep 14 hours a day, stagnation it was building to a bursting point and I was almost manic.

And then it hit me: Blue candle. Road opener. Clearing. Offering of that perfect mini banana bread loaf I had sitting on the counter. Do it. Now.

After I had finished, I cleaned up my business, straightened up the kitchen and minor bits of house work. The husband came home and I settled down for a nap. When I woke up - all of it was gone. The stagnation, the two week old headache, the doom, gone!

I still get all, "holy fucking shit!" over work like that. Simple, fast and highly effective.

Aries Horoscope - Nov. 25th

Should you rely on hard facts or soft feelings? Would it be advisable to trust your tried-and-true medicine or else a potion brewed from the tongue of a snake, the feather of a crow, and a mandrake root? Can you get better results by mingling with staunch allies or with rebel upstarts who have a knack for shaking things up? Only you can decide on these matters, Aries. My opinion? You’ll probably generate more interesting developments by going with the feelings, the mandrake root, and the upstarts

- Free Will Astrology

One of those, omfg moments.

Does anyone remember this book?

This was my bible when I was abut 12-13 years old. I took it very seriously. At the time, I was living smack dab between the Atlantic ocean and the Smoky mountains. I had a highly detailed map of the whole state. I planned a route to make it into the mountains and live with the land, just like Sam did. There weren’t dreams of having a falcon, like Frightful, but dreams of being friends with the animals, plants, the mountains. When my mother found out about my plans to run off, she took that old tattered book away from me. I don’t know if she still has it or not.

When I think about it now, of course I was fucking stupid! I mean, a 13 year old girl WALKING 200+ miles to the middle of nowhere? Not safe in the slightest!

Even though I didn't know it at the time, this book definitely set me on a path.

I still dream about it. Perhaps not at that level exactly, but complete self-sufficiency. Making, growing, wild-harvesting my own foods. Log burning stove. My own soap. Spinning my own fibers ... and other things. Making that my life.

Bottomless cups,

Last nights dream involved me sitting in a room with what felt like, other witches. We were all there for one thing: To be given the magical drink by the old woman (who was sort of, “leading” us). There were only a few of these cups of drink. They resembled Japanese tea cups. The drink was greenish and had clumps, it looked as if the drink had been mostly drunk, but when I went to put it to my lips the liquid kept coming, it was bottomless and filled itself. The temptation to drink as much as possible was there, but you knew that if you drank too much, there would be consequences. I guess it was supposed to give you second sight.

A person I knew as an old friend was there and grabbed my arm and told me we were off to look at faeries. I saw things flitting around, they looked like little insects.

Then all of that was gone away and I was waiting on a bus - with a figurine in my hand that was very obviously, a shaman.

Then I woke up.

Standing in my kitchen,

I've been thinking about this little space hard for what feels like, and probably is... weeks, months even! I have posts that have been floating around in my brain for a while, I'll be getting to them soon I hope. Lots of pictorial evidence though, proof that I have been up to things.

Potatoes are boiling away and the ancestors will be dining with us tonight! Hopefully they wont mind the vegan nosh. Cornbread needs to made and must get the stroganoff started.

First time trying my hand at vegan "cheesecake". We'll see.

Must get back to preparations, cooking and getting the Lambs Wool on!

Recently,

I haven't been updating because I've entered a bit of a nether-void. Emotionally, I've been on edge, stressed, negative and just plain bitchy. I've been doing my best to pinpoint where this is coming from, what I am doing wrong or if something is doing this to me. As much as anyone would like to blame their problems on something else, I cant do that right now. Its me. Getting to the root of things.

I'm still mulling over the tarot spread I did on the dark moon, I did it during communion with Hekate. It was harsh. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around Her right now. Cant expect fucking sunshine and teacakes 24/7 can we? I have a lot of work ahead of me, spiritually. I mean, when don't we! But its the tough stuff, that is tough, but so worth it - I know. Feeling a lot of self-doubt right now. Feeling a lot of, "I wanna do everything now!" and total lack of patience.

On a less crybaby note,

I've taken a sudden dive into working hoodoo into my practice. I wasn't quite comfortable with it at first, but, I seem to keep going back to it for spells and workings. It isn't much of a surprise really. I may be a transplant, but me, my family and heritage is Southern as they come (Srsly like, really backwater in the swamp rednecks). I've been cooking up oils, herbs are piling up, jars getting filled. I love it.

Giving candle making a go. This is soy wax. Everything was going just fine and then about 15 after I took this photo it, a leak spot formed near the flame and a waterfall of molten wax basically pored out rendering the candle more-less useless. Meh. The votives are working out well, but I think I'm going to try another wick with this size of candle mold. I'll be making beeswax dip candles too I think. I had forgotten what pure raw beeswax smelled like. Made me so nostalgic.

I found this little guy in an offering bowl I had set out to get some sun. I took it as a gift and he is now sitting on my altar. Also, new skeleton keys.

I'm off to plunder the herb seed catalogs of the internet and plot my future garden of herb and veg!

The last of summer berries,

When we first looked at the house we're in now (just renting) the raspberry bushes were heavy with fruit, it made me so excited. We weren't able to move in in time to reap the full berry harvest, but we're lucky enough to enjoy these last few fruits of the summer. Its nice being able to pop out into the yard for a little snack.


And on a completely unrelated note, posted this on the tumblr earlier this afternoon:

Looking forward to the new moon. I plan on making incense and an oil for Hekate. I haven’t felt much of her lately, she is subtle. Her name has a habit of popping up all over the internet when I’m not even looking for her. A few months ago though, I was being visited by snakes and dogs very frequently in my dreams and was bitten while dreaming (it was a kind of friendly bite, if that makes any sort of sense). When I began researching the messages I was being sent I was almost shocked that it was in fact, her. I had been looking towards my own ancestry (run of the mill, Scots-Irish, Germanic) and expected to find my gods there, but no. Now that I know she has chosen to work with me, she seems to have backed off, but illuminates on things that she would like from me or what I should do. My relationship with her is a few months old, and only now am I building an altar in her name and working on regular worship. I’m looking very forward to building a stronger relationship with her. In a way, this is sort of solidifying that I do in fact have a relationship with her. Like a personal affirmation that I’ve never made.

Fuck yeah for figuring shit out!

New friends and flower heads,

I finally got out today. Hubby told me I needed to get out of the house (I really did. I've been a total pill lately, poor guy, heh.) and do my thing, so I did.

Checked up on one of the first spots I went to when we moved out here. The trail into the woods hasn't been walked on in a long while (I hope it stays that way!) everything was quiet and had been freshly rained on. The air was thick and smelled of sun cured blackberries, faint pine, loam and green - I want to bottle it! I saw a red flash in the distance and immediately knew what I was looking at, a rowan! In the woods! Not in someones yard! Or a park! But the woods! The find was only too perfect. I was a bit afraid that I wouldn't be able to get to the tree due to the insanity that is Oregon brambles, but I made it. To top it off, there was a bit of a clearing around the base of the tree, I'm really hoping this trail area and/or the base of the rowan can be a place that I work at, if they're willing to have me that is. The rowan looks a bit sickly, only had two berry bunches (was a fairly decent size too). I'm hoping to either find or create a blessing charm, and lavish her/him (I don't know yet!) with regular checkups and my attention.

I set out for what I was really after, yarrow flowers. There is a near by "protected by voters" nature area. Consists of an abandon bum camp and quite a large meadow and the creek runs along it. Yarrow was everywhere. Collected about a dozen or so heads. It'll be accompanying my dandelion root tea.

Left a peppermint honey offering at the nearby crossroads and made my way home. Spotted this little fellow though, singing quite a loud song for his tiny size! He was nice enough to let me get close and take his pictures before he took off.

I should not be doing this right now, very random:

I really need to be working, not blogging. The urge is taking me over.

Many of my quick posts have been on tumblr. Its more less a good quick dumping ground for dreams, and quick photos.

I've been busy as shit and worn, but good.

I was in a bit of an empty space for a little while. I wasn't feeling anything good. Drained, tired, headachy (for a week or two) and then I realized just about 20 minutes ago why I had been feeling that way: I made an offering to my surrounding forest recently (just moved out here, beginning to make acquaintances). It was well received I believe, cautious acceptance I think. A few days after the offering, I had been out to collect blackberries and yarrow I found, arranged almost too perfectly in a tunnel of grass right by my feet, a dead hare. Probably a few days dead. It was a gift and I didn't take it. I offended. I KNEW it. I knew it the moment I walked away from the little thing. I feel like a prick. Never again. Lesson learned.

I have lots of projects planned out. It is a matter of waiting for the right moon phase! I've been keeping TeuxDeux open in my browser at all times to keep notes on when I'd like to get projects done or started. I need organization, or I'll just forget everything, heh. Stoner memory here.

Dandelion root harvesting is the nearest project that I've got going on. Going to try it as part of a dream tea. Lots of the little buggers growing in the yard of course. I'll be weeding (they're in the future garden area) and making something useful at the same time, two birds, one stone!

Adorable little egg eh? It was a dud left in a nest that I happened to find sitting low in the raspberry bush. I had never noticed it before, the nest kind of seemed to come from nowhere, literally. I wasn't quite sure the nest was abandon, because I would often see a female bird hopping around in that general area. I left it for a few weeks and kept an eye on it, no mother bird. She would have been out there giving me a firm lecture if I had gotten close at all, and I never happened to see her. The egg was hollow, a small opening on the bottom, I assume from insects.

Also! I had a GREAT mail day a little while ago:

Goodies from Forest Grove and books I probably shouldn't have ordered because I have stacks I need to read my way though. Cunning Folk and Familiar Spirits has jumped to the top of my list though!

Quicky,

I have loads of work to get done, and all I want to do is go back.

I'm going to need a sturdy pair of boots before I go out across the creek.

Shy,

Earlier today:
I feel somewhat nervous going into the woods around here. Like I'll be unwelcome. Or that the unseen inhabitants will turn me away, or I'll unknowingly disrespect them. I'll take an offering, let them be aware of my intentions.

And then later, when I finally went out:
Tweeker camps. Figures. They weren't too bad, but it does make you feel a little uncomfortable being a lone young woman in the woods. Beer cans, toilet paper from where they wiped their ass, cans of chicken broth, fern bedding, extinguished camp fire, and the tree carving. Eventually I will head out there with a trash bag and clean it up. Still feeling my way around.

I left an offering next to the creek while I sat under a large red cedar. It was oatmeal and an apple, cut in half to reveal the small star on the inside, and the last bit of some of my favorite incense all together within the little circle of neatly arranged creek stones.

I tried to relax and listened to the little creek babble and waited, to see if I could receive any indication of acceptance or even a simple, "OK". It was questionable. Which I totally understand, I mean its like sitting in someones living room you've never even met before. Awkward silence. They (the land spirits, etc.) distrust humans, I think it goes without saying: I cannot blame them in the slightest. This felt confirmed by finding a wounded snake right beneath my bike when I had laid it in the grass to forage for berries. (NOTE: I had seriously thought I had hurt him, which wasn't the case thank fucking goodness. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a bird attack. One of his eyes were missing and there was multiple wounds on his body, poor poor little baby.) Later, I found a dead hare neatly arranged in a tall grass tunnel. I did want to collected the body and care for it properly, but I just simply don't have the means to begin doing so currently.

Blackberry picking commenced. I plan on bottling some up for Blackberry + cinnamon vodka (inspiration/idea via: Graveyard Dirt). Couple of wild raspberry bushes, but the berries were very small, I'll be harvesting my own next year anyway.

HAZELNUT TREES. I didn't even fucking know! Very, very special little trees! I know whats going on my ancestor altar this fall. Oh yes. Witchcraft Medicine has an excellent chunk on the magical uses of Hazelnut, very worth reading and I'm gunna have to re-read it now.




Finally got to use these little pans, I forgot the name of them. Personal cobblers. Topped them with vegan vanilla coffee creamer (we didn't have any ice cream).

Goodnight.

Well?

Woke at 4:30 am today. I am liking this early thing, maybe it’ll stick.

Left early to hit the very long bike trail near the house before we signed the lease. The trail heads south, out towards the country. I google mapped the shit out of the area and I guess the trail eventually goes to gravel, through a small town and ends inside of a state park. Yes.

I found several small entrances into the woods from the path as we rode further south. Thank the gods, because the trail area near the house has no entrance ways into the woods, either that or its private land … Or masses of bramble thickets prevent you from even thinking about giving it a go.

THE brambles, jesus H christ they’re fucking everywhere and laden with berries like you wouldn’t believe. Spotted a trio of rowan trees in a small flowering field, that I’m pretty sure belongs to someone. Sneaky trespassing? Maybe.

Gah. So much exploring and learning ahead of me. Couldn’t be happier right now.

My new life starts tomorrow. I'm going develop relationship with a land I know hardly nothing about, hopefully that is, if it is ok to have my company.

Argh,

Juggling work with this move is proving to be tougher than I thought. Starting now and up until the end of the year, everything will be mostly blurry.

Walked out and around the trail that leads towards the forest patch when we were out signing the lease. Most of it was private land with no trespassing signs fucking everywhere. Go figure. I know there will totally be a way around it. I know there is a patch with my name all over it. Blackberries are everywhere out there too. There will be no shortage of blackberry everything come late summer.

Also, yesterday it dawned on me: ancestors. DERP. This was affirmed by a flood of weird happy that filled me when I was in war mode over something stupid. It was strange, because I was like, O RLY? Could it be? And then it was a huge bucket of yes poured over my head.

not fucking around,

Herbs seed currently on order:

Henbane

Woad (SO EXCITED about this one)

Poppy (opium)

Indigo

Elderberry

Mugwort

Datura

Tobacco, wild

Wormwood

Much more to be ordered soon.

I didn’t realize this until after looking hard at google maps for a long time. I’m next to a creek, that is next to a large forest patch, that is next to a cemetery.

Its pretty obvious that I owe someone, something - big fucking time.

Mugwort, tell me more

Faceless male presence. Protective and almost sexual in nature.

In a coastal town. Thick storm, watched it roll in and consume. Lots of lightning. Group of people ran from me, went to seek my own safety. Took shelter with two dogs living under a house, who were happy to have my company. Watched the storm continue to move in, it was extremely violent. The dogs sat with me and we stayed safe.

M dreams usually contain the following things: Sea, ocean, underwater, storm, tornado, lightning (was almost struck 3 different times as a child. In real life. Not in my dreams.), dogs/canines in pairs of two, snakes (its been a while), one very interesting cow, black horses.

The offering,

Hit the local herb shop (which boasts over 700 types of plant material!) today to collect incense supplies. I would have wild-crafted what I could find, but city living tends to send you to store bought instead.

I really wanted to add some storax to the blend, but this was a spur of the moment idea. I wouldn't have the storax till next week some time and I'd like to have this made during the dark moon.

I was considering (shed of course) snake skin as an ingredient, but I somewhat hesitated because A. I knew I had to ask someone for it. B. I didn't want them asking WHY I wanted it and C. weird? Whatever. I walked into the reptile store and was mesmerized by a great wall of tiny baby corn snakes: opals, lavenders, butters, bloodreds, fire, charcoals. They're one of the MOST colorful species of snake and the most docile (I once had a miami corn (R.I.P. Bartholomew) that disappeared while I was on a mad trip to Chicago once). Getting back on track now, there was a perfectly intact skin next to a little bloodred. The lady behind the counter wasn't at all threatening so I wasn't too shy to ask and she was happy to give it to me - no questions asked.



Shit yes, there will be snake skin in my incense! Something gives me the feeling it will add an extra kick of awesomeness.

Questionable vegan behavior by some I suppose, but look at it this way: little brothers skin isn’t going in the trash, it is being honored. As far as I'm concerned, if it fell off, died naturally, I found it, etc. I will USE it in my practice as it sees fit.

On Bealltainn and cakes,

Veganized this Beltane cake recipe I found here. Made it just last night, smells amazing. Gingery, spiced sugary noms. Has a chewy texture and is fairly dense. The oatmeal is awesome in it, adds great texture. I recommend using the old fashion oats.

The original recipe called for something like, 14 oz of brown sugar on 7 oz flour and 3 oz of oatmeal! That very thought makes my teeth hurt, I cut the sugar by HALF and yes still sweet as hell. Egg replacer, it was my first time using it actually. I usually sub in a well ripe banana or apple sauce with a pinch xanthan gum. I didn't follow the instructions and used the replacer dry, came out fine.

I added the oats to the soy milk and oil, but mixed all other dry ingredients with each other, including the brown sugar. The 1/4 cup apple sauce I used at the end because the batter was insanely thick after adding in the oaty mixture.

12 oz - Soy milk
3.5 oz - Old fashion style oats - any oat of your choice really
7 oz - Wholewheat flour
3 oz - Vegetable oil (Healthier: 4oz apple sauce)
8 oz - Brown Sugar
1/4 cup - Apple sauce (if you're using the oil!)
1 TSP - Baking soda
1/4 TSP - Baking powder
1/2 TPS - Salt
1 TSP - Cinnamon or Pumpkin spice
1 TSP - Ginger powder
2 1/2 TSP - Egg replacer (or one large ripe banana and a big pinch xanthan gum)

If you decide to use xanthan gum, be sure to add it to the dry mixture.

These are the site instructions:

Method:

1. In a saucepan, heat the milk with the oats, butter and sea salt. Cook until thickened then leave to stand until it reaches room temperature.
2. Mix in the brown sugar, eggs and vanilla.
3. Add the flour, baking soda and spices and mix well.
4. Grease a 9 inch x 13 inch baking tray and pour in the mixture.
5. Bake in the centre of the oven pre-heated to 180ºC/350ºF/Gas mark 4 for 30 mins.
6. After cooling to room temperature the cake should be covered tightly until ready to serve.
7. When ready to serve the top of the cake can be dusted with icing sugar then cut into squares.

I won't be doing any formal ritual really, I'll be leaving an offering at my mountain and possibly spending time with the grove of large Hawthorn trees I found the other day. While I was out there a small elderly man was plucking the flowers from the Hawthorn's and couldn't help but think, HOLY SHIT is he using those for MAGICS?! I mean, why would an older man be picking Hawthorn flowers on the night of the full moon? Sounds witchy to me. The man smiled at me as I walked by (probably gaping at him) and stupidly, I didn't ask him why he was picking them (self, next time, don't be a pussy). Later I found out that a tincture of Hawthorn flowers and leaves are a great heart tonic and help with vascular disorders apparently. Perhaps that was why he was picking them? Fuck if I know.

DAMNIT I WANT SOME CAKE.

PS: I figured one of those, "Oh hai, iz my new blog" crap would have been lame, because I am horrid at first posts.