Adverse.

Do you have those gods (or a god) in your life, that you have an adverse feeling towards? I do. I don't know how to describe it. A rebelliousness, that's it. An uncontrollable rebelliousness. He's popped up in my dreams as of late, after I had acknowledged him during a prayer. I respectfully told him he made me feel like a teenager to a parent, I want to flip him the finger... and tell him he'll have none of me. That I'll do whatever the fuck I want, and he can't have a say in anything.

And there he is, sneaking in my dreams... making me say his name, the fucker! And that strange fury crawls up my spine and inside I scream, "fuck you!" He inspires my Aries urge to fight against everything, indulging in madness and to take another sip of my beer. I feel his laughter as I try to shake it off.

And I've seen him slinking around in the peripherals of my dreams. A large black cat, stalking and lurking in the corners, waiting to rip the flesh from my bone.


They've all been so loud. Words in song change and they speak...


She said to me, "the sea is my church."

Chewing the cud,

And what am I chewing on?

Hellenic polytheism. To put it simply, it speaks to my heart. This is something I've just fully realized the past few weeks or so.

I find the gods everywhere I look and everywhere I turn.

I don't think I can avoid this/them, or just shrug it off. I feel like it's something I've been looking for, for sometime.

And what do I plan to do about it?

Make some serious additions to my personal practice and rework my calendar... for starters.

I don't really have any sort of lengthy explanation of how I came to this decision, I don't even think it was my decision to begin with! Hekate very neatly placed this in front of me. I asked for direction and the torchlight illuminates. I feel oddly awkward talking about this, it's such a personal revelation.

I heard this song at such an appropriate moment last night:

Don't try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from tryin',
you've got to Open your heart to me, baby
I'll hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key
Open your heart with the key
One is such a lonely number