Looking back on a teenage anthem,

I was not even a twinkle in my mothers eye when this song was released. I have the movie Basquiat to thank for introducing me to them. Nonetheless, I loved this song in my late teens.

On expectations, being honest with myself and the New Year

I never intended to update this blog on a regular basis, or have any sort of routine with it. Its something I'm feeling out over time. Something I'm trying to get comfortable with - moreover something I want to be comfortable with.

There, I said it. (That was a note to myself, not to those who may be reading this!)

I really kinda effed my end of the year observances. I didn't do anything during the month of December (except for Christmas, which is a very serious holiday for my husband - the holiday that he connects with his recently passed grandparents in the biggest of ways.) I will however be doing Hogmanay, preparations have already begun.

I'm still a baby at this, ya know? Its only been two and a half years since I watched that documentary on witchcraft, had flash backs of my attempt at tree worship when I was 16 - discovered by my extremely Christian parents - firmly scolded. Flashback over and realizing, "fuck, I'm 22 now! I live 2000+ miles away from them! I can be what I want!"

I do wish I had been a bit more dedicated during this past year, but I'm not going to waste my time with lamenting what I didn't do. Instead, with this strange vigor I picked up right after Christmas I will be gearing myself up for the New Year and setting goals for things I want to accomplish (Thank you Sarah for inspiration!)

Pertaining to all aspects of my life and in no particular order:

• Sew clothing for myself
• Get my very serious garden plans off the ground or rather, in the ground, heh. (weather permitting)
• Learn to make homemade tempeh and tofu
• Actually DO daily devotionals
• Observe all personal High Days (aka: don't be a lazy bastard)
• Make progress with trance work
• Join local Mycological Society
• Enroll in community college for a few classes to get feet wet to explore the possibility of majoring in history
• Provided garden goes well, raw food diet for 2 months during summer (or as long as I can stand it, heh)
• Talk to my grandmothers more often, write to them
• Work more beneficial magic for my family
• Comfortably and casually wear bold rusty-red lipstick
• Make mead!
• Obtain a divers license (tricky one, being I don't own a car)
• Hike regularly in the deep forests east of me
• Learn how to prioritize and manage my time better

That should do it. I may add or subtract from that list. I may have already mastered the wearing of bold lipstick causally.

Gotta fetch whiskey and start the non-existent menu for Hogmanay tomorrow! And, there is the cleaning. Greatly looking forward to making a huge racket when the clock strikes 12.

Does anyone remember this book?

This was my bible when I was abut 12-13 years old. I took it very seriously. At the time, I was living smack dab between the Atlantic ocean and the Smoky mountains. I had a highly detailed map of the whole state. I planned a route to make it into the mountains and live with the land, just like Sam did. There weren’t dreams of having a falcon, like Frightful, but dreams of being friends with the animals, plants, the mountains. When my mother found out about my plans to run off, she took that old tattered book away from me. I don’t know if she still has it or not.

When I think about it now, of course I was fucking stupid! I mean, a 13 year old girl WALKING 200+ miles to the middle of nowhere? Not safe in the slightest!

Even though I didn't know it at the time, this book definitely set me on a path.

I still dream about it. Perhaps not at that level exactly, but complete self-sufficiency. Making, growing, wild-harvesting my own foods. Log burning stove. My own soap. Spinning my own fibers ... and other things. Making that my life.