Giving thanks,

While most of America will be sitting down to a traditional supper of taters and turkey, I will be doing none of that. I will be giving thanks to Her. Hekates deipnon synced up nicely with Thanksgiving this year.

At the start of November, I found myself sinking back into old habits. I was in a spiritual lull. Dragging my ass into my room to do devotionals was hard. My attention was gravitating towards unproductive activities, there was a general malaise about everything. I kept kicking myself for feeling this way. Spiritual lulls aren't supposed to happen right? Wrong. They happen. What I find myself getting really frustrated over, is not being able to find a way out - it's like a black fucking hole sometimes.

One night, I put myself in front of Her altar lit the candles and incense and unloaded. I asked Her for the guidance to find my way out, a method to deal with this reoccurring theme in my practice.

Yesterday it all fell into place, in no particular order:

1. No weed (still an issue for me).
2. Spiritual cleansing on a regular basis.
3. MEDITATE.
4. Devotions, daily.
5. Regular offerings.
6. DO IT.

I know, it's pretty basic shit that I should know already. It was a real DERP moment when it dawned on me. But when I get into those lulls, I have no idea where to pick my shit back up again. I often feel like I am trying to catch something in pitch black darkness. I needed to learn how to pick myself up properly and shake the dust off so that I may continue on my merry way.

It started to click as I was preparing the house for the deipnon and Noumenia yesterday. We've been out of weed for a little while, so my head was clear. I ritually cleaned the living shit out of the house, worked up a sweat and got a bit of a blister and all. Found some time to meditate, which has become something I seriously must keep up, my ADD brain can be painful at times and I find much relief doing it regularly. If you haven't read Jason Millers thoughts on meditation and think you cant do it, then I strongly suggest you read a few of his books! Then I spent the evening baking banana bread for Hermes (he seems to like bananas, more on that later), sprucing up his shrine and writing in my physical journal. When my "OH DERP" moment hit me, I ran to Hekate's altar and sang my thanks to Her.

I found myself feeling measurably better. I need to reinforce my practice when things are feeling lackluster. No, sparks aren't always going to fly, but you maintain that connection. Falling down is part of the process, it just all in how you pick yourself back up.

I give you praise Hekate. Queen and mistress of the crossroads. Illuminator. Key bearer of the cosmos and all that lies between.

Deipnon,

Cup of amanita supped, cake made, dates, garlic, wine, olive oil, homemade incense gathered. Walked a mile in the dusk to the crossroads, called to Her and left my offering. Left a payment to the local spirits for letting me work on their lands. Then I walked home in the black darkness without looking back. And that night I dreamt of snakes.

Waking up,

I feel so dirty right now. I've been cleaning the house in preparation for Hekate's deipnon.

Kitchen totally scrubbed. Floors cleaned and then washed with rue, basil and rosemary. Fumigated. Now I need to bake the saffron honey cake and work on a few other things. But before that, I need to clip some hyssop and then bathe. This particular spread for Her is a little bit more elaborate than usual. That's because I've been a horrible shit for the past two months and I know that I owe it. I suppose I ought to explain that, at a later date.

On the Noumenia, I make a dedication. After a long bit of thought I am fully embracing my path as a witch. As fucking silly as it sounds, I've been fighting like an indecisive child about it. I haven't parted with what I once was, and now I will be. I'll finally be stepping into this with some confidence. It's about damn time too, because I've been stalling for about two years, yes, two years.

You see, there have been attempts on my part to ignore this path. To make a long story short, that was what I was doing for the past two months. I thought to myself, "I'll just be a lay-pagan. Take the easy road." Why? Because this shit is hard fucking work and I have a tendency to be lazy. I realized though, I would go on to live the most unfulfilled life and I saw myself on my deathbed writhing in the regret of taking that easy road. I cant.

I woke up (figuratively and literally) one morning like I had been giving a shot of adrenalin, a few days before the equinox. The rite immediately unfolded in my head and then I set to work. I haven't stopped since, and this time, I don't plan to.

"You have taken your first step into a larger world." - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Hymn to Hekate,

Lovely Hekate of the roads and crossroads I invoke;
In heaven, on earth, and in the sea, saffron-cloaked,
Tomb spirit, reveling in the souls of the dead,
Daughter of Perses, haunting deserted places, delighting in deer,
Nocturnal, dog-loving, monstrous queen,
Devouring wild beasts, ungirt, of repelling countenance.
You, herder of bulls, queen and mistress of the whole world,
Leader, nymph, mountain-roaming nurturer of youth, maiden,
I beseech you to come to these holy rites,
Ever with joyous heart and ever favoring the oxherd.

- Orphic Hymn to Hekate

(ETA: A better translation provided by Forest Door)

Stupid saffron,

I CAN'T make my saffron honey cake for Hekate's Deipnon, if I don't have any fucking saffron! My little case of the precious threads are missing. Gah. I could possibly use some saffron absolute that I have stashed away. Since this cake isn't for human consumption, that should be ok.


Watch, I'll find that damn saffron somewhere totally obvious when I'm done baking.