Kitchen totally scrubbed. Floors cleaned and then washed with rue, basil and rosemary. Fumigated. Now I need to bake the saffron honey cake and work on a few other things. But before that, I need to clip some hyssop and then bathe. This particular spread for Her is a little bit more elaborate than usual. That's because I've been a horrible shit for the past two months and I know that I owe it. I suppose I ought to explain that, at a later date.
On the Noumenia, I make a dedication. After a long bit of thought I am fully embracing my path as a witch. As fucking silly as it sounds, I've been fighting like an indecisive child about it. I haven't parted with what I once was, and now I will be. I'll finally be stepping into this with some confidence. It's about damn time too, because I've been stalling for about two years, yes, two years.
You see, there have been attempts on my part to ignore this path. To make a long story short, that was what I was doing for the past two months. I thought to myself, "I'll just be a lay-pagan. Take the easy road." Why? Because this shit is hard fucking work and I have a tendency to be lazy. I realized though, I would go on to live the most unfulfilled life and I saw myself on my deathbed writhing in the regret of taking that easy road. I cant.
I woke up (figuratively and literally) one morning like I had been giving a shot of adrenalin, a few days before the equinox. The rite immediately unfolded in my head and then I set to work. I haven't stopped since, and this time, I don't plan to.
"You have taken your first step into a larger world." - Obi-Wan Kenobi
Wow... awesome and powerful words. I'm on the same bandwagon, working hard to get where I want without putting myself off by putting the cart before the horse. Today I just created my Library, went through all the pdf books i'd been collecting over the years and always promised to get too and tonight as soon as my partner has left for work, I start reading. My hats off to you hopefully I can stay as dedicated as you have been. :D Good Luck and many blessings :D
ReplyDeleteA couple thoughts, based on experience:
ReplyDeleteIt is good that you had this time of indecision, because now when you go forward, you will really want it, you will have a fire for it, and that's going to be necessary to get you through.
This will likely not be the last time you hesitate before moving more deeply into it. But while sometimes that feels frustrating, at least it means you are really cognizant of the dangers and demands of the path (which *should* make one pause for thought!), rather than just pursuing something that sounds cool.
In other words, congratulations. :) I think it's great that you're ready to move forward, and I wish you all the luck and fortitude you will need!
@forestdoor - You're absolutely right! Thank you for sharing that :)
ReplyDeleteI finished the rite several days ago and even though that long period of hesitation was frustrating as hell - it was utterly necessary before I took the next step. I see that now. Now that I am on the other side, the fog has somewhat lifted and I can see a little better.
Congratulations. :) I feel as if I am in a kind of limbo myself, so this is very inspiring!
ReplyDeleteP.S- I notice you're reading Arcana Mundi. How are you finding it?
@tendingthehearth - Arcana Mundi is a thick and heavy read to say the least! I actually haven't touched it the past month. I got 1/3 of the way into it and got distracted by other books, heh. It is worth while purchase though!
ReplyDelete